Allez postez ici vos blagues sur l'univers de wh40k...
Une stupide... Qu'est ce qu'un ork qui se prend pour un oiseau?
Un ork-nitorinque...
Ok, je sors...
Full Version: Blagues
oulala, tu t'es pas beaucoup reposé pendant ces vacances a ce que je vois !!!
et bien moi j'ai pas de blague a racontée mais ca m'a fait ressurgir quelques souvenir du "Jeu a la con" sur le forum des rangers d'alaitoc.
Pour ceux qui ne connaissent pas ce jeu, j'explique:
quelqu'un pose une question sur l'univers de wh40k ou de wh battle et une autres personne doit donner une reponse possible, et tres conne de preférence. Apres avoir répondu a cette question, la personne en pose une a son tour....
et ainsi de suite...
je ne pose pas le debut du jeu dans ce message au cas où quelqu'un aurait des blagues aussi... comme dire... "amusante" que celle de l'amis Dante
salamanderhelm salamanderhelm salamanderhelm
et bien moi j'ai pas de blague a racontée mais ca m'a fait ressurgir quelques souvenir du "Jeu a la con" sur le forum des rangers d'alaitoc.
Pour ceux qui ne connaissent pas ce jeu, j'explique:
quelqu'un pose une question sur l'univers de wh40k ou de wh battle et une autres personne doit donner une reponse possible, et tres conne de preférence. Apres avoir répondu a cette question, la personne en pose une a son tour....
et ainsi de suite...
je ne pose pas le debut du jeu dans ce message au cas où quelqu'un aurait des blagues aussi... comme dire... "amusante" que celle de l'amis Dante
salamanderhelm salamanderhelm salamanderhelm
Quel est le meileur moyen de stopper une charge de Space Wolves ?
Lancez-leur un os !
Lancez-leur un os !
Tiens, moi ca me rappelle plutôt la série des dictons 40K qui avaient été inventés par les gens de la French Waaagh...
Du genre: Sister au volant, Rhino sur le flanc.
Kaos - Moi, mysogine ?
Du genre: Sister au volant, Rhino sur le flanc.
Kaos - Moi, mysogine ?
moi ça me fait penser a quelques reprise de proverbe que j'ai fait il y a quelques temps :
-la nuit, tout les snots sont au lit
-Snot un jour, snot au four <-- ( merci a slereah pour celle ci )
-La connerie ne fais pas le Gol... en fait, si
-on ne fais pas de flame sans casser des snots
-il n'y as pas de connerie sans snot
-j'ai d'autre snot a flammer
-ne regarde pas la snotise dans le post de ton voisin mais plutot le fluff qu'il y a dans le tien
-rien ne sert de courrir il faut fluffer à point
-Internet a créer le snot pour empecher le fluffiste de dominer le monde
-Mieux vau une GMAB cheesy que 2 snot cédlaballe
-à question de snot, réponse de snot
-A snot sans intelligence on flamme sans gloire
-Mieux vaut être fluffise sur petit forum que snot sur grand forum
bon je suis obliger de faire quelques citations contre les anti-snots sinon je vais encore me faire engueuler...
-a bon fluffiste, fluffiste égoiste
-vieux joueur aux commandes, evolution aux oubliettes
-ne fait pas aux Snot ce que tu ne veu pas qu'une GMAB te fasse
-a flammeur intransigent et nostalgique, bon flammeur
-la critique n'est pas l'apanage des critiqueur... mais des flammeur
-pour être un flammeur redouté, il faut avoir été un snot redoutable
-si les anciens refusent d'être aidé et voudraient que les jeunes n'aient pas le droite de jouer a WH40K, c'est qu'ils ont la science infuse, ne devient pas comme eux petit snot malheureux
-la nuit, tout les snots sont au lit
-Snot un jour, snot au four <-- ( merci a slereah pour celle ci )
-La connerie ne fais pas le Gol... en fait, si
-on ne fais pas de flame sans casser des snots
-il n'y as pas de connerie sans snot
-j'ai d'autre snot a flammer
-ne regarde pas la snotise dans le post de ton voisin mais plutot le fluff qu'il y a dans le tien
-rien ne sert de courrir il faut fluffer à point
-Internet a créer le snot pour empecher le fluffiste de dominer le monde
-Mieux vau une GMAB cheesy que 2 snot cédlaballe
-à question de snot, réponse de snot
-A snot sans intelligence on flamme sans gloire
-Mieux vaut être fluffise sur petit forum que snot sur grand forum
bon je suis obliger de faire quelques citations contre les anti-snots sinon je vais encore me faire engueuler...
-a bon fluffiste, fluffiste égoiste
-vieux joueur aux commandes, evolution aux oubliettes
-ne fait pas aux Snot ce que tu ne veu pas qu'une GMAB te fasse
-a flammeur intransigent et nostalgique, bon flammeur
-la critique n'est pas l'apanage des critiqueur... mais des flammeur
-pour être un flammeur redouté, il faut avoir été un snot redoutable
-si les anciens refusent d'être aidé et voudraient que les jeunes n'aient pas le droite de jouer a WH40K, c'est qu'ils ont la science infuse, ne devient pas comme eux petit snot malheureux
qu'est ce qui est plus con qu'un snot'
2 Snot
2 Snot
j en ai une . elle est vraiment tres idiote mais bon.
je vous met en situation.
un jour je joue contre un ami qui possede les eldar noir et le TALOS............
jusque la ca va
i me tire dessus et me dit que la rme est assaut 6
............ ca va toujours, c est la que la blague arrive.
je le regarde dans les yeux et je lui sorts :
LE TALOS EST ASSAUT 6 DE FRANCFORT . clap
AIE AIE AIE AIE j avoue c est pas du meilleur gout mais je la fait partager.
bon ok je sors..........
je vous met en situation.
un jour je joue contre un ami qui possede les eldar noir et le TALOS............
jusque la ca va
i me tire dessus et me dit que la rme est assaut 6
............ ca va toujours, c est la que la blague arrive.
je le regarde dans les yeux et je lui sorts :
LE TALOS EST ASSAUT 6 DE FRANCFORT . clap
AIE AIE AIE AIE j avoue c est pas du meilleur gout mais je la fait partager.
bon ok je sors..........
Il existe un gros site de blague naze sur 40.000, mais en anglais. Je vous en traduis une.
C'est une bataille d'Orks contre des Marines, et puis soudain, une voix sort des tranchées.
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 5 Marines! Ahahah!"
Le Capitaine veut laver cet affront, et il envoit 5 de ses meilleurs hommes.
*BAM* *SKROUNCH* *KRAK*
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 10 Marines!"
Même chose, il envoit 10 Marines. Ils crèvent.
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 20 Marines!"
Il envoit 20 hommes. Deux minutes plus tard, tu as un pauvre marine mutilé qui ressort, pissant le sang, et il dit au capitaine "C'était un piège Capitaine! Ils étaient deux!"
C'est une bataille d'Orks contre des Marines, et puis soudain, une voix sort des tranchées.
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 5 Marines! Ahahah!"
Le Capitaine veut laver cet affront, et il envoit 5 de ses meilleurs hommes.
*BAM* *SKROUNCH* *KRAK*
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 10 Marines!"
Même chose, il envoit 10 Marines. Ils crèvent.
"Un Ork il est pluss fort que 20 Marines!"
Il envoit 20 hommes. Deux minutes plus tard, tu as un pauvre marine mutilé qui ressort, pissant le sang, et il dit au capitaine "C'était un piège Capitaine! Ils étaient deux!"
Moi j'en ai une meilleure d'abord! Ahah
Un Carnifex fonce sur deux scouts. Les scouts lui tirent dessus, tirent encore. Il se rapproche. Soudain, l'un des scouts se met à fuir. L'autre Scout le poursuit et dit "Ca ne sert à rien de courir! Tu ne pourras jamais aller plus vite que lui!
-Je n'en ai pas besoin, juste d'aller plus vite que *toi*!"
Slereah
Un Carnifex fonce sur deux scouts. Les scouts lui tirent dessus, tirent encore. Il se rapproche. Soudain, l'un des scouts se met à fuir. L'autre Scout le poursuit et dit "Ca ne sert à rien de courir! Tu ne pourras jamais aller plus vite que lui!
-Je n'en ai pas besoin, juste d'aller plus vite que *toi*!"
Slereah
Proverbe Ork :
Le seul bon nabot est un nabot mort, et la seule chose qui soit meilleure qu'un nabot mort, c'est un nabot en train de mourir qui vous dit où trouver les autres...
Le seul bon nabot est un nabot mort, et la seule chose qui soit meilleure qu'un nabot mort, c'est un nabot en train de mourir qui vous dit où trouver les autres...
Dans le même genre de bêtes blagues, voilà les commandements que recoivent tous les SM lorsqu'ils sont scouts afin de devenir de bon SM. C'est en anglais, mais les phrases sont courtes et c'est fort drôle!
1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter
Bitches, "nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time
of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter
orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
2. Orks are not "cute."
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.
8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."
10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (In a
similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist
to open tins of baked beans)
11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on
your ex-wife.
12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons,"
nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come
aknockin."
13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag."
14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food.
15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own
Gene-Seed."
16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings.
17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.
18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control".
19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on
the Sisters' Rhino.
20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you
think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino.
21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".
22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him
as "Miss Cleo".
23. Virus bombs are not fun in a box .
24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny, does not
count as an "enemy casualty".
25. Thou shalt not clog the Lascannon tubes "just to see what
happens".
26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of a dreadnaught.
27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the chaplain's hand whilst
wearing a powerfist.
28. Putting sand inside the terminators' armor is not "funny".
29. Thou shalt not refer to the standard of fortitude as a "walking
stick"
30. Thou shalt not refer to the bolt-pistol as a novelty cigarette
lighter.
31. The earthshaker cannon is not a "hat stand" nor is the sentinel
a "standard lamp".
32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to "play chicken" with Imperial
Guard Chimeras.
33. Thou shalt not put a "Purge me!" sign on the back of the
chaplain's armor.
34. Thou shalt not compliment the dark eldar by calling them "kinky"
35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver
36. Thou shalt not replace the holy unguents for the machine spirit
with grain alcohol
37. Thou shalt not invite a Banshee to Karaoke
38. Thou shalt not replace the O2 units on the commander's power
armor with laughing gas
39. Thou shalt not train a hormogaunt to be a watchdog
40. Thou shalt not take "old one eye" out of context..."He's in my
artificer armor he.. he.. duh!"
41. Thou shalt not call Dark Angels "hippy alter boys"
42. Thou shalt not taunt an eldar "gee didn't these use to shoot
further?"
43. Thou shalt not refer to the golden throne as "the nicest commode
in the galaxy"
44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint.
45. Thou shalt not throw a warp beast a dog biscuit.
46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/ sisters
battle.
47. Thou shalt not ask a warlock what he wears under his robe.
48. Thou shalt not tease an inquisitor with "look sir-heretics!"
49. Thou shalt not play wack-a-mole with those little jawa-wannabe
dark angel thingies (tangent).
50. Thou shalt not wear oven mitts when issued a plasma gun.
51. Thou shalt not take the rhino to procure monkish ale before
filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms.
52. Thou shalt not ask the librarian if he has records concerning
Uranus.
53. Thou shalt not refer to the flamer as a "novelty toaster"
54. Thou shalt not ask the apothecary to guess what you have eaten by
looking at your tongue.
55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a terminators' suit during
battle.
56. Thou shalt not point and laugh saying 'look somebody missed the
toilet when battling snotlings.
57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the emperor (unless
properly addressed to do so)
58. Eldar helmets may not be use as hole-punches.
59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as "psychological
warfare" nor shalt thou refer to the index astartes as "the book of
grudges"
60. Thou shalt not say, "will someone please tell the emperor to crap
or get off the throne"
61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to
make "Inquisition" an Olympic sport.
62. Thou shalt not instigate a "my Primarch could beat up your
Primarch" debate.
63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and "I am your father" as a
battle cry when wielding a powersword and entering an assault
64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood
Angels.
65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the space
wolves.
66. Duct-taping a flamer to your boltgun does not count as a combi-
weapon, and painting it pretty won't make it "master crafted"
67. Thou shalt not punt grots for pleasure.
68. Thou shalt not shout "thongs for the thong god in front of the
Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain.
69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex
with the Dark Eldar.
70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy
treasury to mail it to the harlequins.
71. Power armor never makes a sister look fat.
72. Thou shalt not laugh manically when flaming the non-believers.
73. Thou shalt not use thunder hammers to play crocket.
74. Thou shalt not start rounds of "you might be a C'Tan if" while
imbibing strong monkish ale.
75. Though shalt not refer to thine brethren, whom the Emperor has
dictated be armed with an incendiary weapon, as a "Flamer"
constantly. For this has been proven to lower morale and cause strife
within His Most Holy showering facilities.
76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around the Necrons.
77. Thou shalt not ask roughriders if you can pet their ponies.
78. Thou shalt not stray from the Adeptus Mechanicus's directive
towards ornamentation of rhinos-specifically no aluminum sport rims,
neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice.
79. Thou shall not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games
of 'Counterstrike'.
80. Thou shall not, in any way, shape, or form, take the land speeder
joyriding.
81. Remember, shining lasguns in the guards' eyes is WRONG.
82. Thou shall not pretend to have been possessed by a daemon.
83. Thou shall not call the sacred plasma gunners of the imperial
guard 'fizzbusters'.
84. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the chapter master's
equipment.
85. Thou shall not use supported warhounds to 'play ball' with
imperial guard sentinels.
86. It is NOT cool to feed snotlings copious amounts of narcotics!
87. It is not "funny" to dress up as a bloodletter and jump out in
front of the chapter master.
88. Replacing a brother's ammunition with blanks is not "funny"
89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons.
90. Playing naughty movies in your power armor's autosenses is not
sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes.
91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sisters showering facilities.
92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered dreadnaught brethren by tapping
on their window and saying "anyone in there?"
93. Thou shalt not commandeer drop pods to go for pizza.
94. Thou shalt not refer to the emperor's champion as "that brown-
noser"
95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of
annoying insects-unless they be tyranids.
96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and
redemption.
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear
me now", repetevely in an attempt to drive him insane.
98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as "damn dirty apes".
99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays.
100. Thou shalt not ask the Dark Angels if they "can keep a secret"
101. Thou shalt not do Scooby Doo impersonations when speaking to the
Space Wolves.
102. Thou shalt not tell the Salamanders "sorry about the multi-melta
thing"
103. Thou shall not ask directions from the wulfen.
104. Thou shall not ask berserkers for an axe.
105. Thou shalt not do doughnuts in a rhino, unless thou wishest to
clean the passenger's vomit from the floor, as doughnuts make
passengers dizzy
106. Thou shalt not write "Biggest Bitch on the Battlefield" on the
side of thy land raider, even if it is true.
107. Thou shalt not take the Rhino out on Saturdays to 'impress the
girls'.
108. Tyranids are not cute.
109. Though shalt not use lasguns as laser sights for thy bolters
110. Just because you're fighting necrons it doesn't mean your
standard equipment is a skaven and a tin opener.
111. Thou shalt not throw snowballs at Salamander Space Marines
whilst yelling "THINK FAST!"
112. Thou shalt not ask Ork prisoners "why the red ones go faster"
113. Thou shalt not attempt to drown out noise marines with ye old
rave music
114. Never ask a dreadnought "how old are you?"
115. Thou shalt not use the golden throne as a microwave
116. Thou shalt not wear a dress in the presence of the dark angels
117. Thou shalt not wear fake fangs in the presence of the wolves
118. Thou shalt not ask a space wolf if he wants a biscuit
119. Thou shalt not eat another marine's paste
120. Thou shalt not trip a dark angel in front of a interrogator
chaplain
121. Thou shalt not trip an interrogator-chaplain
122. Thou shalt not fill demolisher shells with lots of flowers.
123. Scouts are not 'target practice'.
124. Thou shalt not replace the Chapter Master's weapon with a
plastic sword.
125. It is not funny to put an 'Eat me' sign on the Librarian's back
prior to a Tyranid attack.
126. Thou shalt NOT refer to the Dreadnought as 'Granddad', nor shalt
thou hang an 'I told you I was sick' sign from it.
127. Thou shalt not play 'peek-a-boo' with the machine spirit.
128. Thou shalt not unscrew your battle brethrens leg plates.
129. It is not funny to play ring toss with orks tusks.
130. When faced by the inquisition, don't laugh.
131. Necrons are not cans
132. Thou shalt not eat prunes before a battle
133. Thou shalt not refer to the company Techmarine as "Scotty."
134. Thou shalt not challenge the Terminator company to a game
of "Twister."
135. Thou shalt not refer to ripper swarms as... "cute."
136. Thou shalt not refer to Catachan guard as "tree hugging hippies"
137. Thou shalt not suggest the Eldar "live long and prosper."
138. Thou shalt not tell a space wolf it smells as if something
crawled up and died in their mouth.
139. Thou shalt not replace the Space Wolves store of Tuna with cans
of puppy chow.
140. Thou shalt not use imperial guardsmen as sticks while playing
fetch with a hive tyrant.
141. Thou shall not use flame falcons to toast thy marshmallows
142. Thou shall not ask an inquisitor's psyber-eagle "does Polly
wanna cracker?"
143. Thou shall not ask the Lametors "are ya feeling lucky punk, well
areya?"
144. Dating the Veteran Sergeant is the exclusive privilege of the
Heavy weapon trooper
145. Thou shalt not ask the Eldar females if they are interested in a
hand-portable 'Vibro Cannon'...
146. Thou shalt not strut around Imperial Guardsmen bragging about
how `well-equipped' you are.
147. Thou shalt not ask the Thousand Sons if they are that slow on
purpose.
148. Thou shalt not taunt the Imperial Guard with threats of
utilizing a lascannon upon their posteriors in an unnatural fashion.
149. Thou shalt NEVER, under any circumstances, interrupt a
navigator's concentration during warp travel to ask him if you "are
there yet."
150. Thou shalt not challenge Karandras the Shadow hunter to an arm-
wrestling match
151. Thou shalt not refer to Eldar Swooping Hawk grenades as "bird
droppings," nor shalt thou taunt them by using a mortar to pelt them
with birdseed.
152. Thou shalt not use the emperor's champion iron halo to play
horseshoes in thy free time.
153. Thou shalt not use the chapter standard to dry thy undergarments
upon
154. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin Approach to Tyranids; if
they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it
with a stick.
155. Thou shalt not consider it "funny" to replace the smoke
canisters in your Chapter's Land Raider's Smoke Launchers with
narcotic substances
156. He who takes advantage of the Emperor's paralysis by painting
his fingernails will be summarily executed
157. Shoulder Pads are not to be removed for use as ice-cream scoops.
158. Thou shalt not replace our honored brother Terminator Captain's
Storm-bolter with a Vulcan Mega bolter, nor shalt thou feign surprise
at his inability to lift it.
159. Thou shalt not distract our Librarian whilst he attempts to cast
Smite, else thou shalt be forced to clean the inside of his helmet.
160. Thou shalt not replace a Thunderhawk's firebase supplies with
bouncy castles.
161. Thou shalt not burn our Captain's robe on a cold night.
162. Thou shalt not replace the Apothecary's reductor with a syringe.
163. Undoing the straps between a brother and his jump-pack is not
funny.
164. Thou shalt not utilize the Techmarine's signum for engaging in
long and sexy chitchat with Battle Sisters.
1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter
Bitches, "nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time
of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter
orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
2. Orks are not "cute."
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.
8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."
10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (In a
similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist
to open tins of baked beans)
11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on
your ex-wife.
12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons,"
nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come
aknockin."
13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag."
14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food.
15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own
Gene-Seed."
16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings.
17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.
18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control".
19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on
the Sisters' Rhino.
20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you
think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino.
21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".
22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him
as "Miss Cleo".
23. Virus bombs are not fun in a box .
24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny, does not
count as an "enemy casualty".
25. Thou shalt not clog the Lascannon tubes "just to see what
happens".
26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of a dreadnaught.
27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the chaplain's hand whilst
wearing a powerfist.
28. Putting sand inside the terminators' armor is not "funny".
29. Thou shalt not refer to the standard of fortitude as a "walking
stick"
30. Thou shalt not refer to the bolt-pistol as a novelty cigarette
lighter.
31. The earthshaker cannon is not a "hat stand" nor is the sentinel
a "standard lamp".
32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to "play chicken" with Imperial
Guard Chimeras.
33. Thou shalt not put a "Purge me!" sign on the back of the
chaplain's armor.
34. Thou shalt not compliment the dark eldar by calling them "kinky"
35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver
36. Thou shalt not replace the holy unguents for the machine spirit
with grain alcohol
37. Thou shalt not invite a Banshee to Karaoke
38. Thou shalt not replace the O2 units on the commander's power
armor with laughing gas
39. Thou shalt not train a hormogaunt to be a watchdog
40. Thou shalt not take "old one eye" out of context..."He's in my
artificer armor he.. he.. duh!"
41. Thou shalt not call Dark Angels "hippy alter boys"
42. Thou shalt not taunt an eldar "gee didn't these use to shoot
further?"
43. Thou shalt not refer to the golden throne as "the nicest commode
in the galaxy"
44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint.
45. Thou shalt not throw a warp beast a dog biscuit.
46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/ sisters
battle.
47. Thou shalt not ask a warlock what he wears under his robe.
48. Thou shalt not tease an inquisitor with "look sir-heretics!"
49. Thou shalt not play wack-a-mole with those little jawa-wannabe
dark angel thingies (tangent).
50. Thou shalt not wear oven mitts when issued a plasma gun.
51. Thou shalt not take the rhino to procure monkish ale before
filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms.
52. Thou shalt not ask the librarian if he has records concerning
Uranus.
53. Thou shalt not refer to the flamer as a "novelty toaster"
54. Thou shalt not ask the apothecary to guess what you have eaten by
looking at your tongue.
55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a terminators' suit during
battle.
56. Thou shalt not point and laugh saying 'look somebody missed the
toilet when battling snotlings.
57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the emperor (unless
properly addressed to do so)
58. Eldar helmets may not be use as hole-punches.
59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as "psychological
warfare" nor shalt thou refer to the index astartes as "the book of
grudges"
60. Thou shalt not say, "will someone please tell the emperor to crap
or get off the throne"
61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to
make "Inquisition" an Olympic sport.
62. Thou shalt not instigate a "my Primarch could beat up your
Primarch" debate.
63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and "I am your father" as a
battle cry when wielding a powersword and entering an assault
64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood
Angels.
65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the space
wolves.
66. Duct-taping a flamer to your boltgun does not count as a combi-
weapon, and painting it pretty won't make it "master crafted"
67. Thou shalt not punt grots for pleasure.
68. Thou shalt not shout "thongs for the thong god in front of the
Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain.
69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex
with the Dark Eldar.
70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy
treasury to mail it to the harlequins.
71. Power armor never makes a sister look fat.
72. Thou shalt not laugh manically when flaming the non-believers.
73. Thou shalt not use thunder hammers to play crocket.
74. Thou shalt not start rounds of "you might be a C'Tan if" while
imbibing strong monkish ale.
75. Though shalt not refer to thine brethren, whom the Emperor has
dictated be armed with an incendiary weapon, as a "Flamer"
constantly. For this has been proven to lower morale and cause strife
within His Most Holy showering facilities.
76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around the Necrons.
77. Thou shalt not ask roughriders if you can pet their ponies.
78. Thou shalt not stray from the Adeptus Mechanicus's directive
towards ornamentation of rhinos-specifically no aluminum sport rims,
neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice.
79. Thou shall not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games
of 'Counterstrike'.
80. Thou shall not, in any way, shape, or form, take the land speeder
joyriding.
81. Remember, shining lasguns in the guards' eyes is WRONG.
82. Thou shall not pretend to have been possessed by a daemon.
83. Thou shall not call the sacred plasma gunners of the imperial
guard 'fizzbusters'.
84. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the chapter master's
equipment.
85. Thou shall not use supported warhounds to 'play ball' with
imperial guard sentinels.
86. It is NOT cool to feed snotlings copious amounts of narcotics!
87. It is not "funny" to dress up as a bloodletter and jump out in
front of the chapter master.
88. Replacing a brother's ammunition with blanks is not "funny"
89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons.
90. Playing naughty movies in your power armor's autosenses is not
sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes.
91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sisters showering facilities.
92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered dreadnaught brethren by tapping
on their window and saying "anyone in there?"
93. Thou shalt not commandeer drop pods to go for pizza.
94. Thou shalt not refer to the emperor's champion as "that brown-
noser"
95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of
annoying insects-unless they be tyranids.
96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and
redemption.
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear
me now", repetevely in an attempt to drive him insane.
98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as "damn dirty apes".
99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays.
100. Thou shalt not ask the Dark Angels if they "can keep a secret"
101. Thou shalt not do Scooby Doo impersonations when speaking to the
Space Wolves.
102. Thou shalt not tell the Salamanders "sorry about the multi-melta
thing"
103. Thou shall not ask directions from the wulfen.
104. Thou shall not ask berserkers for an axe.
105. Thou shalt not do doughnuts in a rhino, unless thou wishest to
clean the passenger's vomit from the floor, as doughnuts make
passengers dizzy
106. Thou shalt not write "Biggest Bitch on the Battlefield" on the
side of thy land raider, even if it is true.
107. Thou shalt not take the Rhino out on Saturdays to 'impress the
girls'.
108. Tyranids are not cute.
109. Though shalt not use lasguns as laser sights for thy bolters
110. Just because you're fighting necrons it doesn't mean your
standard equipment is a skaven and a tin opener.
111. Thou shalt not throw snowballs at Salamander Space Marines
whilst yelling "THINK FAST!"
112. Thou shalt not ask Ork prisoners "why the red ones go faster"
113. Thou shalt not attempt to drown out noise marines with ye old
rave music
114. Never ask a dreadnought "how old are you?"
115. Thou shalt not use the golden throne as a microwave
116. Thou shalt not wear a dress in the presence of the dark angels
117. Thou shalt not wear fake fangs in the presence of the wolves
118. Thou shalt not ask a space wolf if he wants a biscuit
119. Thou shalt not eat another marine's paste
120. Thou shalt not trip a dark angel in front of a interrogator
chaplain
121. Thou shalt not trip an interrogator-chaplain
122. Thou shalt not fill demolisher shells with lots of flowers.
123. Scouts are not 'target practice'.
124. Thou shalt not replace the Chapter Master's weapon with a
plastic sword.
125. It is not funny to put an 'Eat me' sign on the Librarian's back
prior to a Tyranid attack.
126. Thou shalt NOT refer to the Dreadnought as 'Granddad', nor shalt
thou hang an 'I told you I was sick' sign from it.
127. Thou shalt not play 'peek-a-boo' with the machine spirit.
128. Thou shalt not unscrew your battle brethrens leg plates.
129. It is not funny to play ring toss with orks tusks.
130. When faced by the inquisition, don't laugh.
131. Necrons are not cans
132. Thou shalt not eat prunes before a battle
133. Thou shalt not refer to the company Techmarine as "Scotty."
134. Thou shalt not challenge the Terminator company to a game
of "Twister."
135. Thou shalt not refer to ripper swarms as... "cute."
136. Thou shalt not refer to Catachan guard as "tree hugging hippies"
137. Thou shalt not suggest the Eldar "live long and prosper."
138. Thou shalt not tell a space wolf it smells as if something
crawled up and died in their mouth.
139. Thou shalt not replace the Space Wolves store of Tuna with cans
of puppy chow.
140. Thou shalt not use imperial guardsmen as sticks while playing
fetch with a hive tyrant.
141. Thou shall not use flame falcons to toast thy marshmallows
142. Thou shall not ask an inquisitor's psyber-eagle "does Polly
wanna cracker?"
143. Thou shall not ask the Lametors "are ya feeling lucky punk, well
areya?"
144. Dating the Veteran Sergeant is the exclusive privilege of the
Heavy weapon trooper
145. Thou shalt not ask the Eldar females if they are interested in a
hand-portable 'Vibro Cannon'...
146. Thou shalt not strut around Imperial Guardsmen bragging about
how `well-equipped' you are.
147. Thou shalt not ask the Thousand Sons if they are that slow on
purpose.
148. Thou shalt not taunt the Imperial Guard with threats of
utilizing a lascannon upon their posteriors in an unnatural fashion.
149. Thou shalt NEVER, under any circumstances, interrupt a
navigator's concentration during warp travel to ask him if you "are
there yet."
150. Thou shalt not challenge Karandras the Shadow hunter to an arm-
wrestling match
151. Thou shalt not refer to Eldar Swooping Hawk grenades as "bird
droppings," nor shalt thou taunt them by using a mortar to pelt them
with birdseed.
152. Thou shalt not use the emperor's champion iron halo to play
horseshoes in thy free time.
153. Thou shalt not use the chapter standard to dry thy undergarments
upon
154. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin Approach to Tyranids; if
they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it
with a stick.
155. Thou shalt not consider it "funny" to replace the smoke
canisters in your Chapter's Land Raider's Smoke Launchers with
narcotic substances
156. He who takes advantage of the Emperor's paralysis by painting
his fingernails will be summarily executed
157. Shoulder Pads are not to be removed for use as ice-cream scoops.
158. Thou shalt not replace our honored brother Terminator Captain's
Storm-bolter with a Vulcan Mega bolter, nor shalt thou feign surprise
at his inability to lift it.
159. Thou shalt not distract our Librarian whilst he attempts to cast
Smite, else thou shalt be forced to clean the inside of his helmet.
160. Thou shalt not replace a Thunderhawk's firebase supplies with
bouncy castles.
161. Thou shalt not burn our Captain's robe on a cold night.
162. Thou shalt not replace the Apothecary's reductor with a syringe.
163. Undoing the straps between a brother and his jump-pack is not
funny.
164. Thou shalt not utilize the Techmarine's signum for engaging in
long and sexy chitchat with Battle Sisters.
QUOTE
LE TALOS EST ASSAUT 6 DE FRANCFORT
Ca me fait penser à un sketch de Guy Montagné qui decrit l'assaut des gardes suisses qui bourrent la plaine d'Alesia de traces sanglantes...
Un peu plus tard, il reparle de cette même plaine "que l'assaut suisse de traces bourre..."
Bon OK, je sais, nu jeu de mots, c'est drôle qu'une fois et là je ressors à peu près le même, mais bon, c'est le sujet de ce topic non ?
de1 salut tout le monde un ork volant c 1 roquetteboiz oui moi aussi je dors pa bocou bon ben voila c con mai bon c ork (je ne suis pas rastite en ver ses povre petite bete qui me fond rire sur un champ de batail meme si il son for bon c t le grand voivode de1 pourquoi tou le monde en ve o ork ) (meme si je parle comme eu)
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